At the gates: 2013

This is a little deeper blog post for me... I've been wrestling with some philosophical musings here on who I am... Posting only for encouragement to others to refelect on who God has made them to be and how to live in I AM. I hope this speaks hope to you.

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I was recently asked to write an essay about myself to choose a metaphor that showcases who I am, in all my fullness. How does one do that? What metaphor will suffice? I got to thinking that most of us spend our lives trying to figure out for ourselves, “Who AM I?” We look at self-help books. We look for other’s perceptions of us. We look in the mirror, and sometimes don’t even recognize ourselves. We search endlessly for the answer to a question, that might not even need to be a question, but more of an acknowledgement of who I AM is and what that means to who I am.

I find it interesting that when God reveled himself to Abram he used the name I AM. I AM, not I was, not I will be. Simply I AM; unchanging, constant, and always true. I AM is present tense. It is this moment. It is every moment. As each second that passes becomes the past and we never attain the future, we are always in the present, we are always I am. Even in the future God meets us as I AM. Which means God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. There is a security in that which is lost at times, a comfort that is unspeakable, and a mystery beyond understanding.

As I looked at writing this essay, I realized that I am many things… I am a child of God with free will. I am the sum of my choices and experiences. I have become what I am and I am becoming what I am meant to be. I am not who I was, and not yet who I will be. This present tense is an interesting phenomenon. I live so much in the future worried about who I will be, and at times too much in the past...lementing who I was. I long to fully just embrace the concept of IAM in the fullest sense. Understanding this unchanging, amazing God who he is as the Great IAM, who I am, and who He is making me to be. How freeing. IAM has always been, is now, and will always be working in my life in each present moment to grow me and make me who I am.

So who am I? I am a child of God, learning how to live in the moment. Learning how to believe in an unchanging, ever constant loving God. Learning to surrender to that power and love. Learning to trust the Great I AM with my life, with my dreams, and with each moment. I am NOT what others say that I am. I am not who I think I am. I AM who He made me to be and who He has called me to be.

The scripture is full of His revelation about himself. Who IAM is and what that means for us. He knows me, He loves me, He is actively working in me. While I am not perfect, I am growing and changing and learning to be with I AM. Psalm 139 (paraphrased) says, "I knew you, before you were even born, I formed you, I knit you together in your mother’s womb, all my days were numbered before any of them came to be." IAM has, is, and will always be with me. I can rest in who I am at this moment…a work in progress, a child learning better ways, imperfect, restless, and yet held. I am not who I was, I am who I am today, and I am not what I will be.

Help me IAM live each day in an awareness of who I am, in you, in a way that makes me who you called me to be. Whole, forgiven, deeply loved, and a pearl of great price that you sacrificed your Son Jesus Christ to save. Thank you for making me who I am by the power of the great I AM.

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